Sunday, July 31, 2011

I am selfish

I went to the gym to go swimming. 
The need to exercise had been building for days.

So much so, that when I saw a friend I wanted to talk to, I kept one eye on the clock; I had a finite window before my next commitment.

When I got to the locker room, I overheard that someone had passed out, so paramedics were coming. 

The locker room is atwitter about the woman who's passed out. She'd apparently been in the hot tub for about an hour. 

Suit on. No paramedic sightings. I shower and stride towards the pool. Two lifeguards are beside an older woman on a stretcher with an oxygen mask.

A little background: another friend who belongs to the same gym told me she'd been horrified when she'd gotten faint when trying to sweat out a cold, because when someone saw that she was feeling unwell, they called 911. 

So yeah, maybe I was a bit brazen about the woman who'd passed out. 

Since I wasn't able to wait with a runner's block for the pool to open, I stomped into the sauna. I could tell that my impatience was putting people off. 
And then the tears came. 

The other woman left and then tears turned into sobs. 

There's something freeing about throwing a temper tantrum - you've already gone to the worst place, may as well crack it open. 
What I found were deep cries from my belly. I'd been pushing through everything without even talking to myself. 

Once I was able to purge all the piled up frustrations, I could be a person again. 

When I got out of the pool, I saw the woman who'd passed out. Her daughter was helping her bathe. This moving gesture and my hot shame for not seeing her in a human situation made my tears brim again. 

I was about to inquire after the woman when I heard the daughter say...

 It's an ongoing lesson. 

Friday, July 29, 2011

Goodnight Danny

On Wednesday, I had to say goodbye to my dog Danny.
You may have seen him in a few posts...

we walked the neighborhood twice a day so he was usually my companion during my observations...

Working at home, we were together almost all the time.

So I could always pop in for a pet or a dog mindmeld. 

I'm getting used to his absence. No one bays when an ambulance goes by. There's no jingle of metal tags when I open the back door.

While I have lots of memories, I believe he'd most like me to keep intact the circle of love between our hearts, so that I can share with others. 

Good boy.

Danny aka Bubbas, Pally Panda, Danny Boy
2005 - 2011