Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Birthday Measures

Every year before my birthday, like clockwork, I get sad.

It's not because I'm getting older.

It's more looking at what I've accomplished, and then reevaluating what's really important to me. And if I'm closer to bringing that to fruition.  Existential stuff.

I hadn't noticed the effect of this pattern until my friend was talking about his birthday parties (which precede my birthday by a week)

I'd been voluntarily grounding myself before my birthday, feeling sad.

It's funny that I tend to be so measureful about time and accomplishment. 
I've never said 'You only go around once.' 
If I did, I would feel guilty watching Bravo docudramas. 

I do believe down time is underrated

My next birthday is near. 
But this year I was hip to the pattern. Since I saw it coming I could anticipate and avoid the voluntary grounding.
I was among the living. And I went to my friend's birthday party. 
Instead of holing up, I was showing up.
Instead of feeling paralyzed about the past and the future, I hung out in the present.
The measureful sad was still there but it wasn't the only focus.  I simply folded it up and packed it into my purse before I went out - one piece but not the whole picture.


Anonymous said...

This kills me. This blogtoon alone is an amazing accomplishment, but I get it. These milestone moments seem to bring about a complete amnesia of all the greatness we create in the world and a laser focus on all the perceived shortcomings.
Great post.
Happy Birthday!

Eileen said...

Thank you for articulating beautifully what I was crudely scrawling out.
Thank you for 'blogtoon.' Using that one.

David Mangene said...

In the Bravo playhouse with Bethenny. Now that is some serious funny Eileen. Not only did I laugh, but I learned a new word while reading the comments...blogtoon. You're a blogtoonist Eileen. And we can't do it without YOU.

cath said...

Eileen, I so understand where you are coming from...every birthday that comes now is a reminder to me of how little time I have left, not how much I have to look forward to (I think I flipped the birthday pancake from cooking to overdone roundabout my 49th birthday). I face #59 this year with great trepidation...and try to just ignore it. I will try my best to fold up those feelings and put them in my purse this year...

thanks for a wonderfully eye opening "blogtoon" (I love that term too!)
~cath xo
@jonesbabie on Twitter

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